Lessons to teach

As Matthew's mom I realize I am his first teacher and his most important one. I have to pass on my wisdom and advice to help him grow up to be a wonderful, loving man. It is an awesome responsibility. I remind myself not to take this job lightly. It is the most important job I have - to raise this sweet little boy into a useful member of society.  Here are a few lessons I feel I need to impart.  Some are lessons he needs now and some are for the future.  (See Lee Brice's song Love Like Crazy for some of my inspiration.  I also got some ideas from things circulating on facebook.)

1. Not everyone who smiles at you is your friend. Awhile back, some of the older children were playing in Matthew's classroom at daycare. Matthew is in awe of the bigger boys (ie 4 - 5 year olds). He was standing nearby as the boys lined up to file out of the classroom. One little boy looked at Matthew, waved, smiled and said, "Bye Matthew, we don't like to play with you." This was then repeated by the next 2 boys in line. Matthew just grinned and waved. I am so thankful that he is too little to understand that those boys were being mean.

2. Bend but don’t break. This is a lesson that I am constantly reminded of. The stress of the world is constantly pushing against us. There are numerous trials. But I have to remember that the strongest trees, the ones that survive the storms, are the ones who are willing to bend. We have to compromise sometimes (not our ideals) but on other things (what to have for dinner, what to do this weekend, what to purchase, etc).

3. Give before you take. God blesses those who give. I firmly believe that the more you give the more you receive. God wants us to be able to bless others. He knows we can't do that if we don't have the means to be a blessing. Sometimes we are selfish and worry about ourselves first. When we do this we limit God's blessings on us.

4. Always have a reason.  You shouldn't do things just because.  You should have a motivation for everything you do and you should understand that motivation. 

5. Never cheat and never lie.  It is true that cheaters never win.  Oh it may seem like they do sometimes, but in the long run a cheater loses.  Always be honest with yourself and others.  Lying is destructive and it ruins what it touches.

6. Be a best friend.  You are going to need a best friend, so it is important that you be one.  As you grow up you will have many "friends".  You will get into fights.  Sometimes you will make up and sometimes you won't.  You will grow apart from quite a few of your friends.  When you get to be a grown up with a family of your own, you will probably be able to count the number of true friends you have on one hand. But those few true friends will be a blessing to you.  Make sure you are a blessing to them.

7.  Overuse the phrase "I love you".  When you love someone you should tell them.  This isn't a sentence to toss around carelessly.  You should mean it each and every time you say it.  I never get tired of hearing people that I love tell it back to me.  That simple phrase can heal a lot of hurt. The phrase "I forgive you" is just as powerful.

8.  Do your best.  You don't have to win all the time, but the goal is to win.  We live in a society where everyone gets a trophy. Well, that’s not how life works. In life you will be judged on your performance. Work hard and give 100% effort and I’ll be proud of you win or lose. Along with doing your best, play a sport. It will teach you how to win honorably, lose with dignity, respect authority, be a team player, control your time and stay out of trouble. And maybe you'll even learn to throw or catch or hit a ball.

9.  Don't outsmart your common sense.  Don't second guess yourself. Sometimes you have to just trust your gut.

10. Never let your prayin' knees get lazy.  There is unspeakable power in prayer.  The Bible teaches that if we ask, we will receive.  Pray about everything.  Sometimes when things are going well we forget to talk to God.  Prayer is for everyday, not just when we are in trouble or need something.  Look to God for guidance.

11.  And love like crazy.  This just fit right here because it is part of a song where I got some of the inspiration for this list of lessons.  I think this lesson is self explanatory.

12.  Never underestimate yourself and don't let anyone else underestimate you either. You can do anything.  I don’t care what anyone says: you can do anything. be anything, create anything, achieve anything. The only thing that limits you is your imagination.  You can be someone's hero, someone's inspiration. 

13.  Remember that it is OK to make mistakes.  Even as adults, we all make mistakes. The important thing is to not make the same mistake twice. Mistakes are okay when you learn from them. Successful people take their mistakes and become better because of them. They figure out how to make a mistake a good thing by figuring out how not to repeat it.

14. Do unto others as you want them to do unto you.  You should treat everyone with respect and as you want them to treat you. Simply put, if you’re mean and a jerk, expect people to be mean jerks right back to you. If you treat people kindly and with respect they will generally do the same back to you. Hate will never fix hate. Anger will never cure anger. The only way that you will ever help make the world into the kind of world that you want, the kind of world you deserve, is by being the change you wish to see in the world.  If someone hurts you, uses you, takes advantage of you, getting angry and doing the same thing back (or worse) will never change the situation. It might make you feel better in the short term but it’s not going to help them see just how pointless or ridiculous their actions are.  The only way to help them is to treat them the same way that you want to be treated: with compassion, love, and understanding.  You don’t have to let your emotional response rule your life.  You can choose how you live your life and the only choice that’s ever going to help you create the life you want is treating other people with the same amount of understanding and compassion that you want to be treated with.

15.  Think before you speak.  This is a very important lesson.  I often forget it myself.  There is a proverb that says it is better to be silent and thought a fool, than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.  Once words leave your mouth, you cannot take them back. Sometimes it’s better to say nothing at all than to speak just to be heard.  Words have the power to heal a broken heart or inflict terrible pain.  Choose your words carefully.  The Bible says the tongue has the power of life and death, so be careful what you speak on your life and the lives of others.

16.  You can’t change the past, you can only create the future.  What’s happened, has happened. It’s done. You can never change the past and it is futile to try. The only thing you can ever change is the present moment as you move towards the future.  The ONLY thing the past is responsible for is where you are now, not where you go from here.  The power is in your hands to decide and direct your future. Don't ignore the past for there are very valuable lessons in the past. But don’t dwell on it. It’s happened. All you need to focus on is 'what have I learned and what am I going to do with it now?'

17. Surround yourself with people you love and don't worry about everyone else. Unfortunately, not everyone is going to love you. It’s a simple mathematical impossibility.  Everyone has their own beliefs, drives, desires, and needs and you’re never going to fit all of them.  So don’t even worry about trying.  Surround yourself with inspiring, committed people who love you for who you are and ignore everyone else.  Let them go their own way, thinking their own thoughts, being their own people, and just keep living your life.

18. Never change yourself just to please another person.  Be the man God created you to be.  Anyone who likes you for the kind of man you pretend to be will never accept you as the man you really are.  Never change yourself for the sake of another person.  Ever.  If you truly believe you need to change the way you’re living your life, then great. Change. But never make the purpose of that change to get something from someone else. It’s the simplest and fastest way to a frustrating life.

19. Your most precious commodity is time.  You can only spend it once.  Time is the only thing you can never have more of.  You can always get more money. You can always get more stuff. You can always meet new people and try new things.  But once you live through a second, that second is gone forever.  I don’t know how many breaths you have on this earth, but I do know that your time is limited.  So make the most of every second. It’s a beautiful gift that millions of people who used to live on this earth simply do not have the pleasure of.  Don’t measure your success in life based on the amount of worldly possessions you own or how big your bank balance is. Measure your success in the only truly limited resource you have: how you spend your time.

20.  You can not control the actions of others.  You can only control how you react to them.

21. Don't ever be a bully and don't start fights.  Don't pick on others; be a defender of those who are getting bullied.  Don't allow yourself to be bullied.  You don't have to put up with someone putting you down.  It is a hard line to walk trying to teach you not to be a bully but also not to be the victim of a bully.  So don't pick a fight, but by all means if some moron clocks you, please defend yourself with the moves taught to you by your daddy.

22.  Invest in your education. Your knowledge and education is something that nobody can take away from you.

23.  Treat women kindly.  I pray that one day God blesses you with a wonderful wife one day.  Remember that a lot of how your wife treats you will be as a result of how you treat her.  If you want her to treat you like a king, then you must treat her like a queen.  Forever is a long time to live alone and it's even longer to live with somebody who hates your guts.  Right now you are very nice to girls, all girls.  You want to smile at them and talk with them and make them laugh.  Stay sweet and you will find the girl God has for you.

24.  Love your country.  The United States is a wonderful place to live and you should be thankful that God saw fit to let you be born here. Thank a soldier. Never forget that someone paid a huge price for all the freedoms you enjoy every day.  

25.  You reap what you sow.  Brian and his cousin John pulled some crazy stunts when they were growing up.  We are reaping some of that with our fearless little daredevil, Matthew.  I was a huge chatterbox when I was younger.  I am reaping that now, especially on my car ride home when Matthew talks excitedly the entire hour long car ride home.

These are just a few important lessons I hope to teach my sweet boy on his journey to becoming the man God intends him to be.  I pray I do a good job.

Another year ends

So my prayer at the end of 2011 was that 2012 would be "filled with twice as much laughter as 2011, half the heartache and struggles, and more love than I can measure."  Well 2012 certainly had more laughter than 2011.  Matthew is a bundle of fun.  He loves to make people laugh with his silliness.  2012 has had its share of heartache in a different fashion.  We haven't had to say goodbye to any close family members this year, which was wonderful.  But there have been struggles and tears.  The love has definitely grown over the course of the year as has our extended family.

Even though I have posted a few times over the past few months, there haven't been any real updates.  So here goes.  I fully understand the phrase "growing like a weed now".  I feel like I can't blink without missing something with Matthew.  He talks all the time.  He sings and loves to be funny.  He dances.

He wants to please others.  He wants to be a superhero like his daddy.

But he is very stubborn too.  He has an independent streak that sometimes gets him in trouble.  He has a temper and totally lacks patience.

His care bear collection has grown because of his potty success.  But he still isn't potty trained.  I think maybe he isn't quite ready.  He wore big boy underwear once a couple of days after Christmas.  We asked him every 30 minutes if he needed to potty.  He kept saying no.  He was so proud, until he jumped up and ran to the bathroom, yelling "I need to pee pee".  He was already in the process of going.  His underwear were very wet.  He did manage to get some in the potty.  But he was so upset about wetting his underwear that he cried and has not wanted to wear any since then.  He doesn't seem to know when he needs to go ahead of time.  And he certainly can not hold it.  If we happen to time things right he will pee and poop in the potty.  And I will admit that I am not diligent enough to keep asking if he needs to go.  I get bored sitting in the bathroom every 30 minutes.  

Thanksgiving was wonderful.  We spent it with MeMa and Pappy.  Matthew really enjoyed playing with Ayden and Baby Keeton.  He wants to take them home with us every time we leave.

He was so excited to decorate the Christmas trees (ours and MeMa's).  The bottom 2 feet of both trees were heavily decorated.

We went to the "Lights on the Neuse" which is a hayride through the fields and woods on a farm in Clayton.  Matthew loved it.  The highlight for him though was meeting Santa and telling him that he wanted "that big, mean dinosaur, that big mean dragon and that big mean ogre" for Christmas.  (They are all imaginext toys.)

He visited Grandma Cathy's grave with Brian.  Brian told him all about his Grandma.  The holidays are tough because even though we appreciate all we have, we really miss what isn't here anymore.

Christmas was good as well.  It was awesome that this year Matthew was beginning to understand that Christmas is a celebration of Jesus' birthday.  Every night we played with his Little People nativity scene and re-enacted the Christmas story.  He loved to retell it himself.  He sang Happy Birthday Jesus for 2 weeks. He also sang "Santa Claus is coming to town" a lot.  The daily "phone calls" to Santa to report on Matthew's behavior really helped him try to be a good boy.  Of course he got way too many toys.  And just like last year, Brian and I found ourselves saying, "Next year we won't buy so many toys because that is what everyone else buys him."  I am sure we won't follow through with it.  I am certain that as long as we are able, Matthew's Christmases will be toy filled.  We did space out his gift receiving this year so it wouldn't be so overwhelming.

Train table from Pop-Pop.  Now Matthew won't have to fake a cough to go play with the train table at the doctor's office.

A doctor kit, so he can pretend to give us all shots.

What's this?

Posing with his large box from Me-Ma and Pappy

Cheese!

Matthew loves Keeton

Pappy got the boys new pow pow guns.  Keeton got his first while Matthew and Ayden got their third.  Getting a new gun for Christmas is a tradition that Pappy started.

Opening his big box.

Pappy built the boys custom John Deer tricycles

Opening presents at Grandma Rose's

Opening presents with all the other grandkids at Grandma Blowe's.  The four oldest great grandkids managed to line themselves up from oldest to youngest all on their own.

All the Blow great grandkids

A Bat Cave.

Opening presents at John and Crystal's house

Time is a Thief

We are approaching the two year mark of when Grandma Cathy passed away. (It's funny to me how she is Grandma Cathy in my mind, even though that was only her title for a very short time on earth. But it was one that she was so proud of, so I try to honor her memory by thinking of her that way.) It is hard to believe that it has already been two years. I think of her often. Matthew mentions her every now and then. Usually it is in the form of a question.  He wants to clarify which "grandma" gave him certain things.  In addition to Grandma Cathy, he also has Grandma Blowe and Grandma Rose (both of my grandmas, so Matthew's great grandmas).  I know he probably doesn't actually remember Grandma Cathy.  He was so little when she died, just 8 months old. But he has seen pictures of her with him as a baby and he recognizes her. He recognizes things she gave him and he hears us talk about her. Just the other day Matthew rediscovered his stuffed version of Clifford the Big Red Dog, which Matthew calls Baby Cifford.  He asked where it came from.  I told him that was one of the first toys his Grandma Cathy bought him after he was born.  He said "I didn't tell her thank you."  He wanted to call her and tell her.  I told him that he couldn't because she lived in Heaven now.  He put his little hand on his chin, titled his head and thought about it for a minute.  He asked, "Heaven's up in the sky with Jesus right?"  I told him yes.  I continued to get him ready for daycare.  He decided that Baby Cifford would be his nap partner that day so he tucked him under his arm and out the door we went.  As he was coming down the steps, he stopped, looked up and shouted, "Thank you Grandma Cathy for my Baby Cifford.  He's my best fiend.  I love you all time."  And then he walked to the car.  I got a little choked up.  A little while into our drive, he asked if we could go see Grandma Cathy.  I told him no because she is in Heaven.  He said that he wanted to go to Heaven and see her.  It was so very sweet.  Ever since that day 2 weeks ago, he has slept with that red dog snuggled up under his chin.

We probably don't talk about her often enough. And I feel guilty about that sometimes.  I don't want anyone to think that we have forgotten about her.  Believe me, we haven't.  It isn't that we don't love her and want to remember her. It is just hard. We still miss her a lot and so it hurts. We are angry that we feel that we were cheated out of more time with her by her choices. And sadly life just goes on. It doesn't stop when someone we love dies. We have to carry on. We have to keep living, no matter how much we miss them. We owe Matthew and ourselves a happy life, Cathy would have wanted that. So I am going to try not to feel guilty that this past year hasn't held as much reflection and remembrance as the previous year.

We sometimes find ourselves in the middle of something and suddenly we stop and comment how she would have enjoyed it.  We see Matthew doing something incredibly adorable (like doing a crazy dance) and we tell him how much his Grandma Cathy would have loved to see him do that.  We tell him that she would have loved him so very much.  We know she would be totally wrapped around Matthew's little finger by now and she would have spoiled him even more than he already is.  We recall specific stories and random memories occasionally.  I am finally to the place where I don't tear up every single time that we tell a Cathy story.  It is always nice when someone else shares a memory or story about her that we don't have.  And it is nice to know that other people still remember her and miss her like we do.  Hearing things that other people remember is like giving us a little piece of her back. It adds to our bank of memories.  Time is a thief when it comes to memories. Not stealing the memories exactly but snatching the details that give the memories life - the little pieces that make the memories more than just a dream.   

It's a zoo in here - America the beautiful

After our walk through the Jurassic Forest, we backtracked to the African Pavillion to visit the baboons.  There were quite a few baboons in the exhibit, but most of them were hanging out alone rather than playing together (maybe they are all toddlers).  We were able to see them pretty good from the outside viewing area but in exchange for the good view, we had to get rained on.

The group finally decided to be friends.

After looking at the baboons, we traipsed over to Junction Plaza for some lunch.  Lunch was pretty good.  They had quite a selection and the prices weren't as outrageous as amusement park prices (except on sodas).  Everyone had a good lunch.  After potty breaks, we caught the tram to North America.  (We were tired of walking and wanted a short cut to next continent.)

Our first stop in North America was Cypress Swamp.  Matthew likes alligators, so he was quite happy to see some in person.  The alligators were mostly laying around not doing much.  The ones up on the bank were easy for Matthew to see.  However the ones floating in the water were harder for him to make out.  He wanted to make sure that Brian wasn't going to feed him to the gators.

Next up down the gator loop trail was the cougars.  We got to the cougar viewing area just in time.  I was able to snap one photo before the closest cougar moved into the shelter of his hollowed out tree stump house.  I can't say that I blame him.  Rainy days are good for catnaps.  They were beautiful.  They have this aloof look about them that all cats seem to have genetically ingrained in them.

We then walked through a gazebo type building with views of the swamp on all but one side.  Matthew tried to catch a glimpse of the large alligator through the observation window.  But we were told that he submerged himself about ten minutes before we got there.  And that is where he stayed.

Matthew and Liza quickly made friends with a turtle.  They were quite content to watch him swim around.

Then we were off to see some animals I was quite excited to see given my marine biology background - harbor seals in the Rocky Coast exhibit.  You can watch the seals from a balcony overlooking the cold pool.

But the coolest view is in a cave-like area where you can get eye-to-eye with these graceful swimmers.  The kids were all enamored with these creatures.  They stood with their faces and hands pressed against the cold glass watching these seals show off.  The seals were well aware of their audience, zipping out of the underwater rock tunnels and turning flips right next to the observation window.

Next down the icy path was the puffins and other arctic birds.  It was very hard to get good pictures due to all the water and condensation on the glass.  But we did watch these cute little birds for a short while.

We walked a little further down the trail.  There was a huge area with nothing to see due to the polar bear exhibit being closed for renovations.  But we needed another potty break.  The kids played for a few minutes in the playground.  (No photos of that due to the heavier rain shower that started during our walk over.)  At this point it was getting later in the day and we still had quite a drive ahead of us, so we realized we were going to have to cut our adventure short.  We were going to have to skip the grizzly bear, the black bear, the bison, the otters, the elk , the bobcats, and the red wolves.  The rain was coming down a little steadier by this point.  We walked back to the tram station and waited to catch a ride back to the middle of the zoo. 

Dillon wanted to walk through the Sonora Desert.  So we decided to see what was in there.  There wasn't a lot to see really.  Most of the animals were in habitats that were built into the sides of rock walls.  They were too high up for Matthew to see and the animals were not very active.  And lets face it after you have seen elephants and rhinos and zebras and lions and chimps and seals and gators, the snakes, lizards and tortoises just aren't that impressive.

We did see an ocelot, which was cool.  Of course he was settling in to take a catnap, which meant he wasn't that entertaining to watch.

Next we entered the nocturnal cavern.  We caught a glimpse of vampire bats, but had just missed feeding time by about 15 minutes.  The coati (pronounced "kee wah tee") was cool.  He was hard to get a good picture of due to the low light.  From what I could see, he had the coloring of a skunk.

The last critter we saw was the ringtail cacomisle.

After leaving the desert we decided to take in the 4D dinosaur movie.  The five minute movie was action packed.  I worried that it would scare Matthew, but he really enjoyed it.  In that pitch black theater, he sat in his own seat with his 3D glasses practically falling off his face.  He only grabbed my hand once the whole time - when the T-Rex roared and peered down at us from the roof of our vehicle.  The biggest horror was once the movie ended and the roar of the special effects died down, we could hear the rain pounding down on the little, tin building we were in.  We made a run for the shelter and quickly walked to the tram station.

As we waited in a long line for the tram to carry us back to Africa (and the entrance where we parked) Matthew began to show signs of being cranky.  Honestly I was surprised he didn't get ill earlier due to the fact that he missed out on his nap.  After the long wait, where I had to keep hearing Brian say that if we had walked, then we would already be at the van by now, we finally piled into the tram and rode to the station at the gates to Africa.  We then made a beeline for the gift shop.  At this point the rain was a steady drizzle.  We did a couple of circuits around the gift shop trying to let Matthew choose something to commemorate his trip to zoo with.  He finally settled on an overpriced stuffed dinosaur.  After we made our purchase we realized that a monsoon was falling outside.  We quickly said goodbye to Leslie and her brood.  We ran outside in ankle deep water that was fast flowing.  The umbrella offered little protection from the torrential downpour.  By the time we had run to the parking lot, we had to cross a small river with small whitecaps as water flowed downhill from the parking lot.  We were drenched to the point that we could wring the water from our clothes by the time we got in the van.  At this point we discovered that heat wasn't working in the van.  So we settled in for a long, cold ride home.  Thankfully Matthew stayed relatively dry in his stroller.  All in all we enjoyed our adventure at the NC Zoo in Asheboro.