Another year ends

So my prayer at the end of 2011 was that 2012 would be "filled with twice as much laughter as 2011, half the heartache and struggles, and more love than I can measure."  Well 2012 certainly had more laughter than 2011.  Matthew is a bundle of fun.  He loves to make people laugh with his silliness.  2012 has had its share of heartache in a different fashion.  We haven't had to say goodbye to any close family members this year, which was wonderful.  But there have been struggles and tears.  The love has definitely grown over the course of the year as has our extended family.

Even though I have posted a few times over the past few months, there haven't been any real updates.  So here goes.  I fully understand the phrase "growing like a weed now".  I feel like I can't blink without missing something with Matthew.  He talks all the time.  He sings and loves to be funny.  He dances.

He wants to please others.  He wants to be a superhero like his daddy.

But he is very stubborn too.  He has an independent streak that sometimes gets him in trouble.  He has a temper and totally lacks patience.

His care bear collection has grown because of his potty success.  But he still isn't potty trained.  I think maybe he isn't quite ready.  He wore big boy underwear once a couple of days after Christmas.  We asked him every 30 minutes if he needed to potty.  He kept saying no.  He was so proud, until he jumped up and ran to the bathroom, yelling "I need to pee pee".  He was already in the process of going.  His underwear were very wet.  He did manage to get some in the potty.  But he was so upset about wetting his underwear that he cried and has not wanted to wear any since then.  He doesn't seem to know when he needs to go ahead of time.  And he certainly can not hold it.  If we happen to time things right he will pee and poop in the potty.  And I will admit that I am not diligent enough to keep asking if he needs to go.  I get bored sitting in the bathroom every 30 minutes.  

Thanksgiving was wonderful.  We spent it with MeMa and Pappy.  Matthew really enjoyed playing with Ayden and Baby Keeton.  He wants to take them home with us every time we leave.

He was so excited to decorate the Christmas trees (ours and MeMa's).  The bottom 2 feet of both trees were heavily decorated.

We went to the "Lights on the Neuse" which is a hayride through the fields and woods on a farm in Clayton.  Matthew loved it.  The highlight for him though was meeting Santa and telling him that he wanted "that big, mean dinosaur, that big mean dragon and that big mean ogre" for Christmas.  (They are all imaginext toys.)

He visited Grandma Cathy's grave with Brian.  Brian told him all about his Grandma.  The holidays are tough because even though we appreciate all we have, we really miss what isn't here anymore.

Christmas was good as well.  It was awesome that this year Matthew was beginning to understand that Christmas is a celebration of Jesus' birthday.  Every night we played with his Little People nativity scene and re-enacted the Christmas story.  He loved to retell it himself.  He sang Happy Birthday Jesus for 2 weeks. He also sang "Santa Claus is coming to town" a lot.  The daily "phone calls" to Santa to report on Matthew's behavior really helped him try to be a good boy.  Of course he got way too many toys.  And just like last year, Brian and I found ourselves saying, "Next year we won't buy so many toys because that is what everyone else buys him."  I am sure we won't follow through with it.  I am certain that as long as we are able, Matthew's Christmases will be toy filled.  We did space out his gift receiving this year so it wouldn't be so overwhelming.

Train table from Pop-Pop.  Now Matthew won't have to fake a cough to go play with the train table at the doctor's office.

A doctor kit, so he can pretend to give us all shots.

What's this?

Posing with his large box from Me-Ma and Pappy

Cheese!

Matthew loves Keeton

Pappy got the boys new pow pow guns.  Keeton got his first while Matthew and Ayden got their third.  Getting a new gun for Christmas is a tradition that Pappy started.

Opening his big box.

Pappy built the boys custom John Deer tricycles

Opening presents at Grandma Rose's

Opening presents with all the other grandkids at Grandma Blowe's.  The four oldest great grandkids managed to line themselves up from oldest to youngest all on their own.

All the Blow great grandkids

A Bat Cave.

Opening presents at John and Crystal's house

Time is a Thief

We are approaching the two year mark of when Grandma Cathy passed away. (It's funny to me how she is Grandma Cathy in my mind, even though that was only her title for a very short time on earth. But it was one that she was so proud of, so I try to honor her memory by thinking of her that way.) It is hard to believe that it has already been two years. I think of her often. Matthew mentions her every now and then. Usually it is in the form of a question.  He wants to clarify which "grandma" gave him certain things.  In addition to Grandma Cathy, he also has Grandma Blowe and Grandma Rose (both of my grandmas, so Matthew's great grandmas).  I know he probably doesn't actually remember Grandma Cathy.  He was so little when she died, just 8 months old. But he has seen pictures of her with him as a baby and he recognizes her. He recognizes things she gave him and he hears us talk about her. Just the other day Matthew rediscovered his stuffed version of Clifford the Big Red Dog, which Matthew calls Baby Cifford.  He asked where it came from.  I told him that was one of the first toys his Grandma Cathy bought him after he was born.  He said "I didn't tell her thank you."  He wanted to call her and tell her.  I told him that he couldn't because she lived in Heaven now.  He put his little hand on his chin, titled his head and thought about it for a minute.  He asked, "Heaven's up in the sky with Jesus right?"  I told him yes.  I continued to get him ready for daycare.  He decided that Baby Cifford would be his nap partner that day so he tucked him under his arm and out the door we went.  As he was coming down the steps, he stopped, looked up and shouted, "Thank you Grandma Cathy for my Baby Cifford.  He's my best fiend.  I love you all time."  And then he walked to the car.  I got a little choked up.  A little while into our drive, he asked if we could go see Grandma Cathy.  I told him no because she is in Heaven.  He said that he wanted to go to Heaven and see her.  It was so very sweet.  Ever since that day 2 weeks ago, he has slept with that red dog snuggled up under his chin.

We probably don't talk about her often enough. And I feel guilty about that sometimes.  I don't want anyone to think that we have forgotten about her.  Believe me, we haven't.  It isn't that we don't love her and want to remember her. It is just hard. We still miss her a lot and so it hurts. We are angry that we feel that we were cheated out of more time with her by her choices. And sadly life just goes on. It doesn't stop when someone we love dies. We have to carry on. We have to keep living, no matter how much we miss them. We owe Matthew and ourselves a happy life, Cathy would have wanted that. So I am going to try not to feel guilty that this past year hasn't held as much reflection and remembrance as the previous year.

We sometimes find ourselves in the middle of something and suddenly we stop and comment how she would have enjoyed it.  We see Matthew doing something incredibly adorable (like doing a crazy dance) and we tell him how much his Grandma Cathy would have loved to see him do that.  We tell him that she would have loved him so very much.  We know she would be totally wrapped around Matthew's little finger by now and she would have spoiled him even more than he already is.  We recall specific stories and random memories occasionally.  I am finally to the place where I don't tear up every single time that we tell a Cathy story.  It is always nice when someone else shares a memory or story about her that we don't have.  And it is nice to know that other people still remember her and miss her like we do.  Hearing things that other people remember is like giving us a little piece of her back. It adds to our bank of memories.  Time is a thief when it comes to memories. Not stealing the memories exactly but snatching the details that give the memories life - the little pieces that make the memories more than just a dream.   

It's a zoo in here - America the beautiful

After our walk through the Jurassic Forest, we backtracked to the African Pavillion to visit the baboons.  There were quite a few baboons in the exhibit, but most of them were hanging out alone rather than playing together (maybe they are all toddlers).  We were able to see them pretty good from the outside viewing area but in exchange for the good view, we had to get rained on.

The group finally decided to be friends.

After looking at the baboons, we traipsed over to Junction Plaza for some lunch.  Lunch was pretty good.  They had quite a selection and the prices weren't as outrageous as amusement park prices (except on sodas).  Everyone had a good lunch.  After potty breaks, we caught the tram to North America.  (We were tired of walking and wanted a short cut to next continent.)

Our first stop in North America was Cypress Swamp.  Matthew likes alligators, so he was quite happy to see some in person.  The alligators were mostly laying around not doing much.  The ones up on the bank were easy for Matthew to see.  However the ones floating in the water were harder for him to make out.  He wanted to make sure that Brian wasn't going to feed him to the gators.

Next up down the gator loop trail was the cougars.  We got to the cougar viewing area just in time.  I was able to snap one photo before the closest cougar moved into the shelter of his hollowed out tree stump house.  I can't say that I blame him.  Rainy days are good for catnaps.  They were beautiful.  They have this aloof look about them that all cats seem to have genetically ingrained in them.

We then walked through a gazebo type building with views of the swamp on all but one side.  Matthew tried to catch a glimpse of the large alligator through the observation window.  But we were told that he submerged himself about ten minutes before we got there.  And that is where he stayed.

Matthew and Liza quickly made friends with a turtle.  They were quite content to watch him swim around.

Then we were off to see some animals I was quite excited to see given my marine biology background - harbor seals in the Rocky Coast exhibit.  You can watch the seals from a balcony overlooking the cold pool.

But the coolest view is in a cave-like area where you can get eye-to-eye with these graceful swimmers.  The kids were all enamored with these creatures.  They stood with their faces and hands pressed against the cold glass watching these seals show off.  The seals were well aware of their audience, zipping out of the underwater rock tunnels and turning flips right next to the observation window.

Next down the icy path was the puffins and other arctic birds.  It was very hard to get good pictures due to all the water and condensation on the glass.  But we did watch these cute little birds for a short while.

We walked a little further down the trail.  There was a huge area with nothing to see due to the polar bear exhibit being closed for renovations.  But we needed another potty break.  The kids played for a few minutes in the playground.  (No photos of that due to the heavier rain shower that started during our walk over.)  At this point it was getting later in the day and we still had quite a drive ahead of us, so we realized we were going to have to cut our adventure short.  We were going to have to skip the grizzly bear, the black bear, the bison, the otters, the elk , the bobcats, and the red wolves.  The rain was coming down a little steadier by this point.  We walked back to the tram station and waited to catch a ride back to the middle of the zoo. 

Dillon wanted to walk through the Sonora Desert.  So we decided to see what was in there.  There wasn't a lot to see really.  Most of the animals were in habitats that were built into the sides of rock walls.  They were too high up for Matthew to see and the animals were not very active.  And lets face it after you have seen elephants and rhinos and zebras and lions and chimps and seals and gators, the snakes, lizards and tortoises just aren't that impressive.

We did see an ocelot, which was cool.  Of course he was settling in to take a catnap, which meant he wasn't that entertaining to watch.

Next we entered the nocturnal cavern.  We caught a glimpse of vampire bats, but had just missed feeding time by about 15 minutes.  The coati (pronounced "kee wah tee") was cool.  He was hard to get a good picture of due to the low light.  From what I could see, he had the coloring of a skunk.

The last critter we saw was the ringtail cacomisle.

After leaving the desert we decided to take in the 4D dinosaur movie.  The five minute movie was action packed.  I worried that it would scare Matthew, but he really enjoyed it.  In that pitch black theater, he sat in his own seat with his 3D glasses practically falling off his face.  He only grabbed my hand once the whole time - when the T-Rex roared and peered down at us from the roof of our vehicle.  The biggest horror was once the movie ended and the roar of the special effects died down, we could hear the rain pounding down on the little, tin building we were in.  We made a run for the shelter and quickly walked to the tram station.

As we waited in a long line for the tram to carry us back to Africa (and the entrance where we parked) Matthew began to show signs of being cranky.  Honestly I was surprised he didn't get ill earlier due to the fact that he missed out on his nap.  After the long wait, where I had to keep hearing Brian say that if we had walked, then we would already be at the van by now, we finally piled into the tram and rode to the station at the gates to Africa.  We then made a beeline for the gift shop.  At this point the rain was a steady drizzle.  We did a couple of circuits around the gift shop trying to let Matthew choose something to commemorate his trip to zoo with.  He finally settled on an overpriced stuffed dinosaur.  After we made our purchase we realized that a monsoon was falling outside.  We quickly said goodbye to Leslie and her brood.  We ran outside in ankle deep water that was fast flowing.  The umbrella offered little protection from the torrential downpour.  By the time we had run to the parking lot, we had to cross a small river with small whitecaps as water flowed downhill from the parking lot.  We were drenched to the point that we could wring the water from our clothes by the time we got in the van.  At this point we discovered that heat wasn't working in the van.  So we settled in for a long, cold ride home.  Thankfully Matthew stayed relatively dry in his stroller.  All in all we enjoyed our adventure at the NC Zoo in Asheboro.